


My Kingdom for a Kitten

by Labyrinth_Layabouts



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Fluff, Game of Thrones - Freeform, Kittens, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 16:14:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5297858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Labyrinth_Layabouts/pseuds/Labyrinth_Layabouts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Merlin and Arthur are huge Game of Thrones nerds and Merlin tries convincing Arthur they need a kitten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Kingdom for a Kitten

**Author's Note:**

> SO MANY GAME OF THRONES SPOILERS. LIKE, SO MANY. SPOILED ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE 5TH BOOK, A DANCE WITH DRAGONS. 
> 
> You have been warned.

 

 

 

“We don’t need a kitten, Merlin. No.”

“Prince Tommen has kittens. We could name one Ser Pounce.” Merlin looks longingly down at the cage full of adorable, tumbling kittens. Arthur knew it was a mistake to bring Merlin along for fish food.

“No.” He says resolutely. “And no amount of Game of Thrones canon will change my answer. How dare you use that against me.” It should be counted as a cardinal sin to use fandoms against boyfriends.

“What about a puppy?  We could call it the Hound.”  
  
“Merlin.”

“Just think about it! We get a kitten and name it Joffrey and socialize them both young so the Hound just follows it around. We could even rename your fish.”

 “We are not renaming Asha.”

“But look, if we call her Cersei she could watch over them with just a hint of jealousy and adoration.” Arthur levels Merlin with a glare.

“You’re really letting your Lannister flag fly today, aren’t you?”

“What’s wrong with a little lioness pride?”

“They’re villains.”

“No they’re not. They’re just playing their part in a war against wolves.” Arthur rolls his eyes.

“And stags, and krakens, and dragons-”

“That’s not their fault! They’re holding their throne against usurpers. Robb Stark crowned himself King of the North, Stannis killed his own brother. And Theon is a complete dick!”

“Well, yeah. But none of Cersei’s kids have a right to the throne either. By right, the throne should pass to Stannis, as grouchy as he may be.”

“What! Nah-ah. All he did was hide out at Storm’s End and show up out of nowhere when Robert died. And Joffrey and Tommen have every right to the iron throne.”

“Incest.” Arthur says through a cough.

“But she’s still queen!” Merlin hastily supplies. “She’s just as royal as any king she outlives.”

“Yeah, in Dorne. Or maybe Meeren. But not Westeros. Only men can inherit the iron throne.”

“Which is so stupid.” Merlin says, distractedly wiggling his finger for a kitten.

“No kidding. Though, if you think about it, Gendry really should be the one inheriting the throne. Him or anyone older that Robert sired.”

“Gendry wasn’t raised to hold a throne. He wouldn’t make a good king.”

“You can’t know that. Not being raised at court might actually be a benefit for a kind. You see how bad all the other kings were, especially Joffrey. And he was coddled at court his whole life.”

“True. But Gendry’s a bastard anyway. He has no right to inherit any land or titles.”

“And isn’t that the kicker.” Arthur says, taking the kitten Merlin proffers to him. “If bastards could inherit, i say put Jon Snow in some seat of power. He’s kicking ass up at the Wall.” Merlin scratches the kitten’s ear as it purrs against Arthur’s chest.

“How far did you get in Dance with Dragons?”

“I’m just over halfway through, why?”

“Just wondering.” Arthur can feel a spoiler from Merlin’s silence so he changes the flow of conversation and tries to purge it from his mind.

“What about Tyrion? Do you think he’s fit to rule?”

“He’s a Lannister, of course he is.” Merlin lifts another kitten and chuckles when it bats at his nose. Its white paws patting softly against his face.

“Lannister aside, would he hold power well?”

“Hm, good question. He seems well informed. And probably the most level headed out of anyone-”

“Except Jon Snow-”

“But Jon Snow has a tendency to value honor and pride over the right choice overall. And family. Black Brothers or not, he’ll always keep his heart at Winterfell.”

“But Tyrion.” Arthur redirects.

“Yes, Tyrion.” Getting back to his favourite Imp. “I think he’s too quippy to keep any friends at court.”

“Agreed. And he’s completely self-obsessed.”

“What, no he’s not.” Merlin says, offended by proxy. “He’s always helping other people around him. Even when it would be easier for him not to.”

“Yeah,” Arthur concedes. “But his chapters are just a spinning wheel of him recounting his own problems. He’s almost worse that Arya. It’s just him killing his father, him missing his first wife, and half complaints about Shae. ‘Where do whores go?’ Seriously. If he says that one more time I’m going to send his head back to Cersei.”

Merlin chuckles and moves into the isle, Arthur following with the small, fuzzy kitten still pressed to his chest.  

“Do we need flakes or pellets?” Merlin asks, pointing with the hand not holding the black and white kitten against him.

“Both. Pellets are treats and flakes are food. We’re almost out of both.” Merlin picks two cannisters up and moves to the counter to set them down. The lady behind the counter smiles at them.

“How are you gentlemen doing today?”

“Great.” Merlin supplies cheerfully. Arthur smiles and nods his assent.

“Did you find everything alright? We just got in some organic cat treats if you were interested in trying a few.” She says, smiling across to them.

“Hm?” Arthur answers dumbly. The cashier points to the kittens still in their arms. “Oh, right. No no, we were just borrowing them” Arthur tries to explain. Merlin snickers and the lady only looks more confused.

“Well, they really seem to like you fellows. We’re always looking for good homes for the little guys. You never know who will walk in next and take them home.” Arthur can feel Merlin standing beside him. Knows that if he turns to him, he’ll be pouting with his best big-eyed puppy face he can muster. The kitten in his arms mews. Arthur sighs.

“Merlin, go and pick out collars. It looks like we’re adding two new faces to court.” Merlin does a silent cheer and hurries down the cat isle, eager to start picking out new accessories. Arthur shakes his head, looking down at the blue eyes of the kitten purring softly against him.

“I’ll be damned if he names you Joffrey. You deserve something way cooler little dude.”

“Lady.”  
  
“Hm?” Arthur looks up at the cashier. 

“She’s a little lady.” She smiles, eyes going soft as she watches Arthur nuzzle against the kitten.

“A little lady, huh. Guess we’ll have to name you after Lady’s master then.” The kitten mews and Arthur smiles. “Welcome to the family, Lady Sansa.”

 

* * *

 

“You can’t name him Joffrey!”

“Why not? You named your whatever you wanted.” Arthur shakes his head in exasperation, pointing fervently down at the black and white kitten rubbing against Merlin’s leg.

“Well for one, he’s a she. And for two, Joffrey treats Sansa horribly. We can’t set that dynamic for the kittens.” Merlin takes a breath to argue but stops as he realizes Arthur is right. He puts a hand to his mouth and brainstorms.”

“What about Jamie?”

“She’s still a girl.”

“But she doesn’t feel like a Cersei.” Merlin says in frustration.

“There’s always Myrcella.” Arthur tries.

“But she’s over in Dorne. And missing an ear.”

“Are you discounting a name because she doesn’t have both ears?” Arthur asks with a small laugh.

“No. I’m discounting it because she’s a little girl.”

“Technically so is Daenerys.”

“She’s not a-”  
  
“Sixteen, Merlin. Danny is sixteen in the last book.” 

“Oh.” He says in mild disgust. “God, you’re right.” After a moment of consideration, Merlin shakes his head. “George R. R. Martin is fucked up.”

“As all the ladies is Westeros will atest.” Arthur says in agreement. “Hey, what about Arya? She’s a great character.”

“But too cliche.” Merlin says, shaking his head. “Everyone loves Arya already. She doesn’t need the representation.”

“The kitten representation?” Arthur laughs.

“And she’s still a little girl too.” Merlin says as a cover. “So there’s that.”

“True. Too bad too. She even used to go by the name Cat of the Canals.” Arthur hums, loving the way Merlin’s nose crinkles up with irritation.

“Damn him and his disgustingly underaged girls.”

“And boys. There’s still Bran and Rickon.”

“Is there still Rickon? I don’t even remember where he is.”

“Isn’t he with Bran?” Arthur asks, not quite sure if he remembers either.

“No, that’s just the two green kids and Hondor. And Summer.”

“Huh. You’re right. So where is-”

“I have no idea.” Merlin says frowning. “We’ll have to google it later. Well,” He says, catching himself. “I can google it later. You can’t google anything until you finish the book.”

“But it’s so long.” Arthur complains. They have this conversation a lot. Merlin is a much quicker reader than Arthur, so he finished it shortly after purchasing it. It’s been weeks now and Arthur is still plodding along at an excruciating pace. Merlin had even started rereading his copy to try to get Arthur to pick up his pace. It was only sort of working.

“What about Nymeria?” Arthur chimes suddenly. “That doubles as a bastard princess of Dorne and a badass direwolf. And neither of them are under age.”

“Hm.” Merlin considers. “But is that too close to a Stark reference? We already have on Stark in the house.”

“Two, if you count your car.”

“Ned was named way before I started Game of Thrones. So it is not my fault he shares a name with Eddard.” Merlin says defensively. Arthur raises his hands.

“You have my every approval, I’m all for House Stark. It’s you and your Lannister alliance that makes you a turncloak.”

“Not a turncloak!” Merlin says, his voice squeaking just a bit as he rushes to defend himself.

“Alright, alright. No Reek for you.” Arthur says with a chuckle. Merlin’s nose scrunches.

“Ugh, that bastard. Don’t even get me started on his pitiful redemption arc. That fuckhead.”

“Woah, tell me how you really feel Merlin.”

“Ugh. I can’t even.” Merlin bends down to wiggle a string for the yet unnamed kitten. She bats at the string, raising up on her hind legs to chase it. Arthur feels a tickle at his nose and is caught off guard with a giant sneeze rips through him. Merlin jumps and Sansa flees from here she was sleeping on the couch. Wiping his eye, Arthur looks down to the kitten at his toes. She has puffed up her hair into an eccentric ball of fur. When Arthur reaches for her, she hisses. Merlin laughs and runs a calming hand down her back.

“Shh, it’s okay girl. Don’t let that big man scare you.” After a few pets she starts purring under Merlin’s hand again and accepts Arthur’s apologetic pets. Merlin chuckles softly beside him. Arthur looks over, confused. 

“I think I’m figured out her name.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Brienne.” He pets down her back and scratches just before her tail, watching her raise her tail. “She’s our little bear, all dressed up in warrior clothes.”

“Hm.” Arthur considers. “Brienne. That might actually work.” Sanso pokes her head out from behind her hiding spot near the couch. Seeing the affection being doled out on Brienne, she totters over for her share, her orange and white tail high in the air. “Any hey,” Arthur continues. “We even have out very own Sansa for her to look after. Catelyn would be proud.”

Merlin’s eyes crinkle up with a smile. “Perfect.” He says, rubbing both kittens behind the ears. Arthur nods, running a hand under Sansa’s purring chin.

From her spot on the bookcase, Asha blows bubbles of disgust.


End file.
